Remus John Lupin
by Irish Rugby
Summary: This is going to be a story about Remus John Lupin. It will begin in his fifth year at Hogwarts and go on. I hope everyone enjoys!
1. Default Chapter

Remus Lupin

I am going to tell you my story and what it was like for me in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I dreamed of going to Hogwarts since I was a little boy at the age of five and acted like a stick was my wand and said spells. I had the best childhood and will always remember it. I lived in a very small house with my mother, father, and brother. We were what you would call one of the poorest purebloods around. Our limit of money never did bother me that much until I went back to school and that's where people would shake their heads at me. My family, the Lupins, and the Weasley's where really close because we knew how the other felt. There was one thing in my childhood that I hated and wished would pass away like time, but it never did and never will. When I was really young, about two years before I started Hogwarts I was attacked by a werewolf outside my house. I was so stupid for going outside during a full moon, but I thought that it would never happen to me, but it did. The werewolf came out from no where and started attacking me. I screamed and screamed and it felt like an eternity before anyone ever came outside to get me! My brother, Romulus, was the first one outside and scared away the werewolf. He yelled for our parents and they finally came out. I looked at my hands and arms and they were all scratched up, bleeding quite badly! Right then I knew that my life was going to be changed forever, and I had a feeling that I would not be able to attend Hogwarts, the one place I always wanted to go to, because of my condition. They took me to the hospital and a short doctor came in and told me about my condition and what I would have to go through for the rest of my life. I felt like telling him I already knew everything that came with the package, but I decided it best to go ahead and listen to him talk on and on about what being a werewolf was going to do to me in my future. I laid in that bed for hours thinking about what people would think of me and if my parents would ever talk to me again, of course they did! I went home a week later and was able to go on with my regular events. The first time I transformed was very painful. I was unable to control myself and the full moon from then on always acted as a phantom. You probably know who I am by now, but if you don't my name is Remus Lupin.

I'm going to give a brief depiction of what my first through forth year was like at Hogwarts. During the first year I met Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. It took a long time for me to come acquainted with them because we came from different backgrounds. At first site I thought they were spoiled rich kids who thought they could over come the school. And then one unexpected day they came up to me and started talking and we started hanging out every day after that! They were great friends and helped me trough all my transfigurations. They even became illegal Animagi during our fifth year; with a lot of work may I add, just to keep me company during my werewolf state. I felt terrible after they finally found out how to do it because I was afraid that if they ever got in trouble then something extremely bad would happen to them. My second year was pretty much the same. I transformed once a month and made from 'Average' to 'Outstanding' on all my tests in school. My third year was a little different then the previous ones, but it was mostly the same. For the duration of my forth year I did a little bit better in school. I was able to make more 'Outstanding' grades and not think as much about my transfigurations, which was very hard for me because I felt like everyone knew my secret.


	2. Chapter 1

"Remus," said my mother. "I'll see you in a couple of months!"

"See you too," I said giving her a hug and watching her disappear into the wall. My mother and I had become very close since the attack of the werewolf and the death of my brother. I'll tell you what happened to him later on when I have to.

I met up with James and Sirius a couple minutes later. James was playing around with that Snitch he always carried everywhere he went. I think he even slept with it sometimes. Sirius was acting as crazy as ever, well, maybe not as crazy as ever, but still a little unbalanced in the head. By the time I opened my mouth to say something James started talking.

"Is she watching?" James asked catching the Snitch again. Peter, who was standing right next to me, started jumping up and down and clapping his hands because he caught it again.

"Yes, Prongs," said Sirius with annoyance in his voice.

James was in love with this girl named Lily Evans. She was a Muggle born that had long red hair and green eyes. She was very nice and smart.

"Is she still watching?" James asked again and made an even harder catch, which made Peter jump and clap with excitement.

"Yes," said Sirius with a sigh.

James stood up even straighter when he saw that Lily was walking his way.

"Lily guess what?" James asked. "I'm a Prefect!"

James and Lily started fighting as usual. This time they were able to attract people from thirty feet away. Everyone was talking and watching Lily and James at the same time with eager eyes. I looked down at my feet and waited for the fight to be over with when I felt Sirius come up next to me...

"I know you want me," said Sirius rubbing my arm with one hand and patting my back with the other.

"Get off me!!" I yelled and started hitting him as hard as I could. "You...."

It took a while and the James and Lily said something.

"Sirius," said James and Lily and stared at him.

"I was just joking," said Sirius shaking his head. He looked terrified for his life.

I shook my head and walked onto the train without saying good-bye to James.

I shook my head and walked onto the train without saying good-bye to James. Peter came along with me and Sirius stayed behind for a while with James. I wish Peter would have stayed to, but I guess it was okay that he came with me. We found a compartment and sat down and looked out the window. Sirius came in a couple of minutes later and sat down next to me.

"Don't fight it Remus," said Sirius leaning back in his seat and rubbing my leg with his foot.

"Stop it! Seriously, I will find someway to bite you this weekend when I transform!!" I yelled.

Peter chuckled.

Sirius shut-up right then, but still smiled and looked at me with his black eyes. I felt like slapping him because he would not stop looking at me. Finally he did stop looking at me and looked out the window. We passed a lot of Muggles that were working out in their farms. They didn't notice that the train with hundreds of wizards and witches were going past them. When I get out of Hogwarts I have given much thought in working in a field that will allow me to work with Muggles and find out what their world is really like. You can't learn everything from books.

Lily came in and sat down next to Peter and was staring at Sirius. Why in the world was she looking at him? Sirius just smiled at her and crossed his legs.

"Why don't you and I go out sometime?" Sirius asked Lily giving her one of his proud smiles.


	3. Chapter 2

"Sure," said Lily jumping up and running out of the compartment. I didn't know what to think. One thing was for sure...James was seriously going to kill Sirius when ever he found out.

"What did you just do?" I asked Sirius.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked. After a couple of seconds his eyes got big and his face went blank. "Oh—did I—"

"James is going to kill you Padfoot!" I said shaking my head and raising a book. "What kind of flowers would you like at your funeral?" I said under my breath where he couldn't hear me.

"Hello," said James walking into the silent room and sitting next to Peter. "Sirius, what did you do?"

Sirius smiled and looked at James and then shrugged his shoulders, "Nothing, mate!"

"Sirius—he started hitting on Remus again—and then—and then—Lily came in and sat next to me—and—and Sirius asked her out!" Peter squeaked loudly.

Sirius jumped up and lounged at him. He was five inches away from Peter's face when we caught him. It took what felt like ten minutes to finally sit Sirius back down. It would take around ten people to actually take him to the ground. He's not big, but he is the strongest of the gang!

"WHAT?" James asked fiercely.

"I'm sorry," said Sirius giving Peter a death eating look. "I was just joking—and I guess she thought I was serious!" I could tell that Sirius would have liked to jump back up and start hitting Peter for telling James what he had just done.

James stared at Sirius for a second and then smiled and said, "Okay!" That surprised me more than anything.

Have you ever been so scared of something that it consumes you? I am all the time. For some odd reason I'm always scared that I might transform during the day and harm anyone in my path. I have told Dumbledore this fear that I have had and all he does is smile and say, "When have you ever heard of a person transforming into a werewolf in the middle of the day?" I shrugged after he said this and walked away...still afraid. I think those two words formed a wall around me...What if? I don't really like talking to Sirius, James, and Peter about that because I know they would just stare at me with nothing to say. All those years, I wished, and prayed that they would come up with some sort of potion to cure or just keep me calm during my werewolf state.

"So Remus," said Sirius when we got into our carriage.

"No!" I said sternly and rolled my eyes.

"Oh, okay," said Sirius laughing," but that wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about!" That was a change. "We never really talk you and me..."

Well, I thought he wasn't going to start that again.

"I said no!" I said picking up a book that I had brought along with me.

"And I said that isn't what I want to talk to you about," said Sirius crossing his arms.

I was very confused by that time and was trying to keep my head from spinning around if you know what I mean. It's a proven fact...that werewolves get very confused very quickly. I've taken many tests and they have all told me that I am good at comprehending things, but rarely become confused...and that is really good for a werewolf.

The carriage ride went by quickly. James got to ride a carriage with all the Prefects so that was one less person to talk to. James and Sirius were the ones who talked nonstop all day long. They could go on and on about something and not stop to save their lives. Sirius wasn't as conceited as James, but he still talked about himself like he owned the world sometimes. When I stepped out of the carriage I bumped into a very attractive girl. I've liked her since my third year in Hogwarts and all that. Anyway she started talking to me so I left Peter and Sirius all alone. I was amazed that Sirius didn't kill Peter when I seen them again.


	4. Chapter 3

"You're Remus aren't you," she said brushing part of her hair back. "I'm Maria Jammas..."

"Yeah," I said gripping the book very tightly and stuttering over that one single word.

"You hang out with James, Sirius, and Peter don't you," she said smiling and started tapping on a book. I was so afraid that she would end up saying something like she liked Sirius or James, but she didn't.

"Yes," I said clearly.

"Why are you always gone during full moons?" Maria asked staring into my eyes.

"I'm not...I just walk around the school by myself and think about the next book I am going to read." I lied. Really, who in their right mind would make up such a stupid, unbelievable, crazy excuse like that? I crossed my fingers behind my back and hoped that she would believe it. It still flipped me out that she realized that I was always gone during the full moons.

"I do that sometimes to get away from some of my friends," said Maria shaking her head. "They can get exceptionally annoying sometimes. Alicia can go on and on about herself dawn till dusk, and I swear at times I hear her talking about herself in her sleep." That reminded me so much of James.

"Hmmm," I said taking a deep breath. "Yeah, one of my friends is like that too!"

Maria was silent for a couple of seconds and then said, "James..."

"Yeah," I said lowering my voice. "He has gone on about himself one day for two hours. It about gave me a headache...and I never hit people...maybe sometimes, but I swear I would have hit him if he went on!"

She laughed and then said, "I'll see you after while!"

"Okay," I said quietly

When she was at least a few meters away I slapped myself in the face, and walked back to Sirius, James, and Peter. They looked very interested in what we talked about, but I didn't tell them. It took a good ten minutes for us to be seated in the Great Hall.

After five more minutes of talking to Sirius, James, and Peter the new first years finally appeared in the Great Hall. They looked extremely nervous and they gawked at the candles that were magically floating in the air. This one boy kept on popping his knuckles, which drive me insane! It sounds like your breaking your own bones!

Dumbledore began with his usual speech about the new Dark Arts teacher, who by the way was, Professor Carib. And then he pointed out that Professor McGonagall was going to call out names and the first years were to come and sit down on the stole and they would be sorted into their new houses. When this one boy walked up to the stole...I feel so sorry for him...he fell smack on his face. I looked around at James because I thought he would be trying as hard as he could to keep the laughter locked inside him, but he didn't show any sign of laughing whatsoever. Peter was looking at his plate with a watering mouth. And Sirius...he was holding his breath and he looked like he was fixing to cry any second. His face was blood shot when McGonagall finally finished calling out the names and Dumbledore announced that the feast could begin. As soon as the food came into sight and some people were talking Sirius burst out laughing. I rolled my eyes and took a couple of things to eat. I really am not the biggest eater in the world, but one type of food that I could eat nonstop is chicken. I couldn't last a year without it!

"So when are you going to go for Lily again?" Sirius asked curiously. "No, no, no! I should be asking you how many times are you going to ask her out this year, Prongs?"

James gave a low growl and narrowed his eyes. I always stayed out things like that and never—well—almost never put my foot in other peoples business. Sirius was staring at James with a huge grin on his face. People started to slowly clear out of the great Hall and head for their Towers. I looked away for a second and saw Maria talking with some of her friends. I guess I stared for quite a long time because one of her friends pointed over to our table and she turned around. I quickly looked at James and started laughing.

"What?" Sirius and James asked in unison. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I was thinking of what my mum said before we left," I said quickly and looked back over at the table she was sitting at. She was gone.

"Remus," I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked across at Sirius and he was wearing the biggest smile.

"M-Maria?" I stuttered and turned around.

Sirius looked like he was going to bust out laughing. He opened his mouth and acted like he was yawning and caught the laugh, and then looked at James with watering eyes.

"Forget about what I said about Hogsmeade, okay," she said glancing at Sirius and then back at me. "I'm need some work on Potions...do you think you could help me sometime?"

"Sure," I said glancing everywhere. Sirius looked like he was going to fall off the bench because he was trying not to laugh or say anything. She smiled and walked away with her friends.

"M-Maria," said Sirius looking up at the ceiling with tears in his eyes. "Sure, I'll help you with Potions! How about sometime during the weekend?" I threw a piece of food at him.


	5. Chapter 4

Sirius joked around with me for a couple more minutes and then fell silent when James mentioned what he had did on the train. Sirius just looked at James with apologetic eyes and took a deep breath and quickly changed to subject. I tuned out when he did. My mind started wondering from thing to thing and I dreamed about not being a werewolf. It would be so fantastic not being locked up somewhere for a whole night feeling the agony of transforming into such a deadly creature. It would be great not wondering if anyone knew your secret and worrying day in and day out what would happen if you ever did hurt someone. And if I did hurt someone I wouldn't know about it because I can't remember anything from my transformations. So if I was ever accused of killing someone I wouldn't know if I was innocent or guilty. I would never hurt anyone on purpose, though. And then my mind wondered about what Maria would think of me if she knew I was a werewolf. How would she react when she found out? Would she tell the whole school that a person she knew was a werewolf? Then what would some of my peer's parents think of me? Would they automatically take their kids out of Hogwarts? What would they do to Dumbledore? I bet your thinking that I think way too much, and sometimes I think I do to. I let my mind wonder away and can't come back to my senses until someone calls my name or taps me on the shoulder.

"Hey, Moony! What are you thinking about?" James asked shaking me. "Are you okay?"

"Oh—yeah," I said shaking my head and standing up. "I think I might head up to bed. My head is really killing me!" I left them and headed up to the Gryffindor common room and sat down in one of the chairs next to the fire. It was so warm in there and I could feel everything leave me.

Time passed slowly and I just sat there thinking about what this school year was going to be like. I watched some first years walk down the stairs and sit down in some chairs. One of them came and sat across from me and looked dreamily into the fire. I could tell that he was a Muggle born and didn't know how to act in the school so he kept his mouth shut until another first year came up to him and asked if he wanted to come over to talk. After thirty minutes of listening to the first years talk about how much they were enjoying the stay at Hogwarts they went back upstairs. When twelve o' clock came around I knew that the rest of the Marauder's were out wondering around the school grounds. I slowly drifted to sleep in the comfortable chair.

"Remus," said a voice, "what are you doing down here?"

I opened my eyes and saw Maria sitting in front of me. I yawned and sat up in the chair.

"I fell asleep," I said stretching and yawning again. "What are you doing down here?"

"Alicia started talking in her sleep again, so I just came down here and was going to see if I could go to sleep down here. I bet I can't, but it's worth a try! I'm sorry I woke you up"

"Oh—that's okay," I said with another yawn. If I would have just stopped yawning maybe she wouldn't have said that. "I usually wake up at this time anyway! Sirius snores so loud! He calls it breathing hard though, but we all know he snores!" I made her laugh! I've never made anyone laugh in my life not since I was bitten by that damm werewolf when I was younger.

"Sirius is crazy," she said laughing.

'So it starts!' I thought laughing along with her. Now she is going to say that she likes Sirius and ask me if I could set her up with him.

"Yep!" I said half smiling.

"âbut I would never go out with him!! He's really funny and everything, but I don't think I could handle him making jokes every ten seconds!"

"Yep," I said with a sigh of relief and taking a sip of water that I had brought up with me.

"I like you," she said. That sent a jolt through my body and I started choking on the water. "You okay?"

"Perfectly fine," I said coughing and rubbing my throat.

"Sorry, about that," she said.

"You need work on Potions right?" I asked. "Now would be a perfect time since we are both up!"

"Okay, I'll go get my books and everything," she said getting up and running up the stairs.

I don't know why I asked her if she wanted to work on Potions now!! I swear I was fixing to go back to sleep, but I knew that a good book would wake me up! I'm always at the end of my seat when I'm reading a book. It doesn't matter what it is about I still like reading them. Every now and then I wondered what it would be like to be put into a book. Sure, the only time I would be placed in a book is if I ever did kill let's hope not someone in my werewolf state. But at this exact moment I'm not that into looking at a book for a few hours. Maria actually told me, in person, that she liked me. I started choking again on the water and got it down again when she came back down.

"Let's lay on the floor, because I can't take bending over and looking at a book," I said sitting on the floor. She laid down beside me.

"I need help on" She said pulling out a couple of books.

"Let me quiz you first that way I can see what you need work on, because sometimes you think you need work on one thing, but you actually need work on another. I'm like that sometimes!"

I came across a question about the werewolf and decided to ask her what she thought about them.

"Give me some signs of the werewolf," I said flipping through the book.

"The snout shape, the pupils, and the tufted tail," she said scratching her chin.

"Good enough," I said thinking of another question. "What do you think of werewolvesâI mean when they are in their human form?"

"I don't really know any werewolves," said Maria in a confused voice.

I laughed merrily to myself; sure she didn't know any werewolves! I remember feeling so proud that my secret had obviously been kept by everyone that I had told! If she didn't know then the rest of the people at this school didn't no so it comforted me! I smiled and continued looking at the book.

"What are you laughing about?" Maria asked in a perplexed voice.

"Nothingânothing at all," I said shaking my head.

"Okay," said Maria raising her eyebrows and looking at the ground. "What other questions should I be familiar with?"

"Umâwhat are the three ingredients of the Wigglebres Potion?" I asked in an upbeat tone.

"I don't remember going over that," said Maria tapping her chin and looking at the ceiling. "When did we learn that?"

"We haven't yet," I said pulling out a new book. "It's in the new book that we got, or had to get"

"Hmmm"

"Don't you look through it whenever you get it?" I asked. I always look through any book whenever I get a hold of one.

"I haven't had that much time lately," said Maria, "Yeah, I usually look through it, but not this time!"

I guess we both went to sleep after studying for at least an hour. Amazingly, I slept pretty well in the chair that I was sitting in, but I can sleep about anywhere. I woke up by James poking me, nonstop, in the side.

"What?" I moaned in protest. I'm a morning person, but staying up half a night reading a book can really take it out of you!!

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I said opening my eyes. It didn't take long for me to fully wake up.

"Really," said James crossing his arms. "Listen Moony!! I know you did something!"

"We studied! Now is that a horrible thing?" I asked getting up and walking up the stairs.

"Studied, hmmm," said James rolling his eyes and looking at Maria on the floor.


	6. Chapter 5

I rolled my eyes and continued walking up the stairs. When we finally got to the top we went to the fifth year dormitories. Sirius was snoring as usual and Peter had his head covered with his pillow and his butt was sticking up in the air like a flag! I have very strange friends.

"Did you tell her?" James asked in a worried voice. He always seemed worried when it came to me talking to different people. I would never tell anyone that I just started talking to that I was a werewolf!

"No!"

"What?!" Sirius woke up and then fell out of his bed. "You 'old—tha—ya—werpwolk?"

"No!" I said smiling and trying not to laugh. "You need to shape up on your English!"

"Yaz, Moony," said Sirius standing up stretching. "What ya do las' night?"

"I studied with a friend," I said shaking my head. Sirius forgets things so quickly in the morning. It's amazing that he can remember what we study in our first two classes!

"Who?" Sirius asked intriguingly.

"You finally said a word right, Padfoot!" I said laughing and then turning towards James. "If you say anything you will be next on my list!"

"What list?" James asked questioningly.

I gave a straight smile and walked to my bed. I really didn't have a list, that was just my way of sort of getting attention from my friends. It really did work to because they sat there and nodded along. I knew they would forget about that morning before classes begun so I let Sirius and James whisper to each other. When Peter got up we went downstairs and had something to eat. I guess Maria had waked up while I was upstairs because she wasn't in the chair when we went back down.

I hadn't realized how much I had missed Hogwarts until I started some of my classes. I truly missed my Potions class for some reason. No one in that school except the Slytherins loved that class because they always got house points. I loved it because I got to show off in front of Sirius and James. Let's face it Peter couldn't have made a decent potion to save his life...maybe a death potion to kill someone.

"Remus, can I borrow your notes at the end of class?" Sirius asked yawning. "I'm just going to stare into space and act like I'm listening, because I really don't feel like listening to Professor Ghoul going on and on."

"I guess," I said shrugging and sitting up straight.

I don't really feel like talking about the entire lesson, because it was continuous. Professor Ghoul talked for an hour about the Wigglebres Potion and what it was compossed of, the many things that it can do, and how over the years the plant has become more extinct. I looked behind me once to see what Maria was doing. She was scribbling down as many notes as quickly as she could, and then she looked at me. I turned back around and focused my attention back on the Professor. James was watching Professor Ghoul walk back and forth and taking a few notes every now and then. Sirius was, like usual, asleep the whole time. It's surprising that he can pass this class and not even pay attention.

"That will complete the lesson today," said Professor Ghoul. "I would like you to work on pages twelve through seventeen. I want the work turned in first thing in the morning."

Half the people in the class moaned.

I left James to wake up Sirius since he was completely out of it and I wanted to get to class early. And besides I wanted to see if Maria would come and talk to me again, like that would happen during school.

"I saw you looking," said Maria walking beside me.

Damm muggles...why can't the magical world have clocks and I could have told her that I was just looking at the clock! As usual I didn't say anything and waited on her to say something.

"What class do you have next?"

"Transfiguration," I said in an up beat tone. Like I needed practice in that, I do it every month.

"I wonder what Professor McGonagall has planed today?" Maria looked up at me. "I enjoy her class, but I mean we never do anything. We've basically been doing the same thing for five years."

"It's been a long time," I said thinking about the past five years.

"How about we go out this weekend?"

"That will be a problem," I said biting my tongue and thinking of something to say. "Umm, I have to...I mean I have to go...I really want to."

"What's the problem?"

'Come on Remus think of something,' I told myself searching for another lie.

"You promise you won't say anything," I said grabbing her to the side and lowering my voice. I made sure that no one was around.

"Yes."

"I'm not exactly what you call normal on any standards."

"Meaning..."

"Full moons and I don't mix...do you get that one?" I asked rubbing my head.

"Werewolf," she stuttered and backed away.

"Please don't tell anyone," I pleaded as quietly as one could. "I've never hurt anyone and they always lock me up and all that. You can't tell anyone because if this gets around Dumbledore could get fired. Please..."

"That's a lot of information to take in," said Maria exhaling heavily. "All is forgotten and I won't tell a soul."

"Thank you," I said walking along side her to class.

I know she had millions of questions to ask me...who wouldn't. All I know is that if I wasn't one and I knew one I would be asking them as many questions that I could think of. What does it feel like, do you have any control, how long does it last? And all those other questions. It was probably killing her.

"It does hurt though," I said pausing and looking around. "I have no control over it, and I'm not sure how long they last."

"Oh," said Maria, "tell me how it all began tonight when we go back over Potions."

She sounded like she didn't want to hear about it, which sort of relieved me.

"Move out of the way filthy halfblood," said Malfoy pushing Maria to the side.

"I hate it when he does that," said Maria straightening herself up. "It's horrible when someone says that, I bet it is even worse when they do it to someone whose parents are both Muggles. What are you?"

"Full," I said shrugging. "Which one of your parents went here?"

"Neither," said Maria smiling. "My dad is the wizard, but he went to school for magic at a school in France called Bauxtons. It was supposed to be the best school until Dumbledore came to Hogwarts and now this is the best school."

"Maria," said Alicia walking up to us. "I need to talk to you right now!"

"Why?" Maria asked raising her eyebrows.

"It's about Lee," said Alicia grabbing her friend's hand and dragging her away. I decided it best not to wait on her and walked to class.

When I entered I found James, Sirius, and Peter were already there. They stared at me like I had just done something wrong.

"What did you say this time?" James asked walking up to me. Sirius and Peter followed him.

"The truth," I said pushing them out of the way.

"What?" Sirius asked quietly. "Are you bloody insane? She hangs out with Alicia so she is bound to tell the whole school in a mater of days!"

"She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone."

"I'll watch her," said James walking to his seat.

"Just be careful Remus," said Sirius. I sat next to him and handed him my notes.

"Copy them quickly that way you won't have as much to do tonight, because I have to help her with Potions tonight. And please don't act like my parents and sit at the stairs and listen to the conversation like a darn idiot. This is the closest thing to normal I have ever been and if you ruin it..."

"Okay," said Sirius


	7. Chapter 6

"You really like her don't you?" James asked tilting his head.

"As a friend Prongs," I said unsure if that was the truth or not. I don't like being close to people. I mean my parents and Sirius, James, and Peter are okay, but I'm just not a social person.

"You talk to her every chance that you get, and you also told her your secret!"

"I told you my secret and you don't see us going out do you? I told her my secret and she is just a friend, but I haven't told her that I liked her yet so..."

"Come on Moony."

"No James," I said sternly. "I like her as a friend for now, maybe after we know each other for a few months or maybe next year and then I'll think about it, but not now!"

"Why not?"

"I'm not a very social person okay James! I don't want to be one of the most well-known people in school...never did ask for it, I don't want to hurt other people, and I don't want a girlfriend!"

"Remus..."

"Just leave me alone James!!" I yelled walking to the boy's dormitories.

I crashed onto my bed and laid there thinking about what just happened. I was not miserable that I had talked to James like that, because he frankly deserved it. I wouldn't go prying into his life like a knife, so he shouldn't go into mine!

"Remus," I heard James opening the door and he walked up to me.

"James, I really don't want to be around you right now!" I said walking past him and down the stairs.

Sirius tried saying something to me, but I just left the Common Room and went on a walk. I have no idea how long I walked around the school. I found myself at the library and bumped into Lily.

"What's wrong Remus?" Lily asked putting her hand on my arm.

"Nothing," I said shaking my head.

"Well let's sit down and talk about something else, just to get your head off things. Does that sound like a start?"

"I guess," I said following her to a table and sitting down beside her.

"I bet you are thinking about me and Sirius," said Lily smiling in a humored way. "They only reason why I am doing it is because of James. What's Sirius doing?"

"He trying to keep his distance from you and wants you to know that it was a joke," I said smiling.

"Good," said Lily laughing, "You can tell him that I said it was a joke."

"But it is fun watching him panic every time that James brings you up in one of his conversations. Sirius looks like he has just been beaten by spell and begins to act like a helpless child."

"Well then I guess I still have to go out with him this weekend," said Lily with a sigh. "I love it when you smile...you always look so peaceful."

Honestly, I don't think that I will ever be peaceful. At times I feel like a great burden has been lifted up from my shoulders, but then I still have that large weight of werewolf on me. I shrugged and laughed.

"Likewise and I like your eyes," I said nodding.

"I'm flattered," said Lily shaking her head and laughing. "You like books right..."

"I guess," I said shrugging.

"I've brought a great book from home and now that we are talking I thought that you might want to give it a look," said Lily reaching in her book bag and pulling out a book. "It's called _The Hobbit _and it's by a man named J. R. R. Tolkien."

"It looks interesting," I said looking it over and then flipped to the back to read what it was about.

"No, don't do that," said Lily taking the book. "It will totally ruin the book and you won't be as interested."

"Fine," I said taking the book and placing it in front of me, "I'll start reading it as soon as I get back to the Common Room."

"Why are you so nervous when people come up to you and start talking?" Lily asked brushing her hair back. "I mean when we started talking it was like you didn't want anything to do with me."

"I thought you were too beautiful to talk to."

"You have got to be the kindest Fullblood I know in the school," said Lily getting up and placing her hand on my shoulder. "Remember Lupin, if you ever want to talk I'll be here. You can approach me at anytime of day around anyone and I will talk to you."

"Thanks," I said getting up. "I'm very lucky to have you as a friend. Your birthday is coming up isn't it?"

"Next week," said Lily smiling looking down and then back up at me. "I shall see you later then."

Okay, I have known Lily for quite some time now. As a matter of fact we started talking during her third day at Hogwarts. We caught on well because we both went for the same book at the library. I really remember it because she looked at me with anxious eyes and backed away. I told her to go ahead and take the book, the only reason I wanted to look at it was because I could use it for some light reading. She smiled and thanked me for letting her use it. She invited me to sit at the table with her and read it and so I did and we talked for a long time. After we found out that James liked her we stopped talking as much to keep James from suspecting something that wasn't entirely true. She is the only friend that I can really communicate with. Yes, I can talk to James, Sirius, Peter, and now Maria, but Lily is easy to talk to. She doesn't force things out of you like a murderer and she just has a kind look. And another thing that I like about her is she never punches me or does anything to get my attention, she just says my name. James is really lucky to have picked out such a kind hearted person. I never told her that I was a werewolf and wanted to keep it that way. But I think all that is going to change if Maria and I keep on talking, which I highly doubt it since I scared her away with, 'I'm a werewolf!' Way to go me!!

Lily walked away and I headed back to the Gryffindor Tower. When I entered the Common Room James was sitting in a chair and staring into the fire with gloomy eyes. At first I thought he had found out that I was friends with Lily, but then he began apologizing again.

"James just listen to me," I said sitting down and placing the book on the table between us. "All those things I said before are true. I like keeping my distance from people..."


	8. Chapter 7

"You know you are hurting yourself when you do that," said James looking at the book. "And where did you get that? I haven't seen it in the library before, and I do believe I have seen you read every book in there, except the ones in the restriction area!"

"I got it from a friend."

"It doesn't look like it is from any witch or wizard of any time period," said James picking up the book. "Listen to this..."

"James no," I said shaking my head.

"It has a hobbit, a wizard, dwarves, orcs, wolves, giant spiders, unknown dangers, and even a dragon! This sounds so cool where...hey, Muggle books are the only ones that have that little barcode thing on them! You got this from a Muggle born or a Halfblood didn't you?"

"Yes," I said giving a sigh, "and thank you very much for ruining the book!"

"Oh, sorry," said James flipping through the pages. "Who gave it to you? Was it Maria?"

"No mate," I said shaking my head. "Her father moved them into the magic world that way he could be able to help Maria any time he could, so I don't think that she would be able to get to this that easily."

"Then who is it?"

"Don't worry about it..."

"Who..."

"No, James," I said hesitantly. I wanted to tell him about how I talk to Lily when he didn't know, but I was pretty sure that he would find out sooner or later. That's why I fear that Maraderer's Map so much...what if he finds us hanging out. He made us swear that if we ever talk to her we would tell him everything that she said.

"Why are you getting so upset with me?"

"Do you really want to know where I got the book?"

"Yes..."

"I got it from Lily and..."

"And what did she say about me?"

"The only reason that she is going out with Sirius this weekend is to see what you will do."

"Okay," said James. "So how long have you and Lily been talking?"

"During her third day at Hogwarts," I said shrugging and picking up the book. "She caught me in the library and we went for the same book and started talking from then on...and it was even before you liked her so I didn't know that you liked her or whatever."

"Why haven't you told me that you have been talking to her? Does Sirius or Peter know that you talk to her?"

"No and all we talk about is books and everything, she doesn't really talk about you. I mention you and everything, but she ends up changing the subject within a few seconds."

"Is Remus back yet?" Sirius asked walking down the stairs. "Maybe I should go looking for him, because he has never stayed out this long without us before."

Thanks a lot Sirius...now James is going to become more annoyed with me, because he will suspect something is going on.

"I'm here Padfoot," I said raising my hand and then yawning.

"Remus..."

I had to think of something or he was liable to bite my head off. I looked around the room a hundred times trying to figure out something to do, and then I blamed it on the werewolf part of me and started rubbing my head.

"James?" I asked rubbing my head and taking deep breaths of air.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked almost falling down the rest of the stairs.

"I'm fine," I said leaning back in the chair. "I think I should go to bed now. My head feels like it is going to explode and I think I'm going to be sick."

"It's not a full moon tonight is it?" James asked looking at Sirius.

"No, but he could be having a before effect or something," said Sirius feeling my head. "Those things can happen can't they? Maybe we should go get Dumbledore or one of the nurses."

"No," I said feebly getting up. "This has been happening lately. I went to the doctor and they said it was something to do with changing and age, or something like that. All he said I had to do was lie down and take it easy, so I'm going upstairs now..."

"Do you want us to help?"

"No, I'll be fine," I said shaking my head and walking up the stairs. "If you hear me fall down or something loud happens then you can come."

I quickly walked up the stairs and went to my bed. I can be a great liar at times, which I never exactly do it on purpose... After a few minutes of silently laughing on the bed I feel asleep and had the continuous nightmares that I usually do at night. They do not bother me as much as they used to, but at times they can get to me. A new one came to me today...a short, ugly man had a silver hand and I for some reason was standing in front of a young boy that looked amazingly like James, but it couldn't have been. I was a lot older, I told the man that he was a betrayer and I would kill him if he ever touched the boy. He laughed at me and lunged at me with then silver hand and started saying things like, "Now you can go join Sirius, James, and Lily and watch my master kill this young boy!" He lunged at me once more and finally succeeded at with I a few minutes I was rolling on the ground in pain, much more than when I transform. The boy kneeled down before me and began shaking me and telling me everything will be okay and for me not to leave him. I, of course, couldn't do anything and passed on. Then beside my old friends I watched the boy try to defeat an evil spirit. I asked my friends who the boy was, but they would not answer me and then it ended as quickly as it had begun. I woke up with Sirius standing beside me.

"You looked like you were having a bad one this time," said Sirius sitting on the bed. "You began screaming in your sleep; amazingly I was the only one that woke up. What was it this time?"

"It was different," I said getting up. "I joined you, James, and Lily in death and watched a young boy..."

"That was a dream," said Sirius laughing. "You need to lay off some of those books you read. Who in the world could kill me, you, James or Lily?"

"I know, it was stupid," I said yawning. "But the boy looked so depressed, like he had lost everything that mattered in his life. And then when the man killed me with the silver the boy just..."

"Remus, I repeat, you need to lay off on some of those books!"

"I guess you're right," I said thinking about the boy. "He looked so much like James..."

"Honestly, shut up!!" I heard a boy yell.

"I'll see you in the morning," said Sirius returning to his bed.

I thought about the boy the rest of the night and couldn't sleep. After two hours of laying in bed I got up and dressed and then went downstairs to collect my thoughts. I paced around the Common Room and laughed at myself for feeling so strongly about a dream. I found it very pathetic to lie on something for to long. The truth is, that if you do something like that it will consume you.

"Remus," came Maria's voice. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking, and now that I am thinking about it, I'm looking for a book called _The Hobbit _too."

"I found that a few minutes ago," said Maria pulling to book from her pocket. "I found it on my last trip down here. When did you ever go to the Muggle world and get it? I haven't saw a book like this in years! And now that I'm talking to you, I was waiting for you for hours."

"I knew I was forgetting something," I said slapping myself in the face. "James and I got into it big time and I just stormed out before either of us said anything that we would regret. So I went to the library and bumped into Lily and that's were I got the book."

"Oh," said Maria. "Well, here's your book. I have to go upstairs and get some rest before school starts in a few hours." She walked away and disappeared.

Now instead of James being the ass, I just blew it. It's horrible, guys are so stupid, we just say the first thing that comes into our heads and don't think it through. And that's what I just did and I hurt Maria. I couldn't hurt her again so from then on until the beginning of sixth year I avoided her as much as I could.

"Hey Remus," said James slapping me in the back of the head. "What are you doing down here?"

"Couldn't sleep..."

"That's too bad," said James taking off his glasses and cleaning him with his shirt. "That's the only thing I hate about these things! You constantly have to clean them over and over, no magic will help!"

"I'm sorry about Lily," I said shrugging. "Before you even made us swear she could tell that you liked her, and she made me promise that..."

"Don't worry about it," said James shaking his head. "I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me."

"I knew you would find out sooner or later, I just didn't know when," I said shaking my head. "You were so in love with her that I didn't want to hurt you feelings and I just kept silent."

"Let me guess, you were lying last night when you said that you were sick and had to go to bed."

"It was the best way not to get my head bitten off from one of my best friends, don't you agree?"

James smiled, "I guess you're right..."

"Yeah."


End file.
